Hollywood's Coming!
Films with Internet Retrofits:


Studio: Touchstone
Director: Bruce Beresford
Screenplay: Ron Koslow
Stars: Sharon Stone, Randy Quaid
Status: Post-production

Completely new "Cyber" storyline:

A trans-sexual cognitive science grad student at Carnegie-Mellon (Stone) invents "the killer-app" by accident, one day, while tripping on mescaline.

Because of this, she's immediately kidnapped by the KGB/Illuminati of another planet and incarcerated in another dimension.

While imprisoned, she is nonetheless able to surreptitiously build a homebrew cable/modem settop box out of stolen silverware and shaved pieces of soap, and she uses this at night, while everyone else is asleep, to secretly log onto the Internet and read "Things People Have Put Up Their Butts," until it gives her an idea of how to escape.

She escapes and -- thanks to a 1551 UART implanted in her corpus callosum at birth -- is able to get back to her native planet and dimension and collect her royalties for the killer app.

But while she was gone, the "app" has steadily lost relevance and market share and, now, no longer generates enough income to support her irresponsible, self-indulgent life-style, and she's forced to go broke, get depressed and finally commit suicide by actually reading Usenet postings, non-stop -- until dead.

Production problems:

Though Stone and Quaid seemed to get along just fine, their animatronic stand-ins did not, and often required several extra takes before getting a scene right.

In private, the director and writer were constantly heard complaining to each other about the "utter pointlessness of trying to make a film in the 90's without Sandra Bullock."

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Last updated: 12/30/95 5:10 am, by: mfu@c3f.com