Suddenly...
Suddenly, instead of smart cards and smart houses and smart cars and smart rooms and smart clothes that know you like a glove and know how you react and understand you, instead, there'll be dumb cards and houses and cars and rooms and clothes that don't have a fucking clue about you, and don't have a fucking idea what to expect or how to react -- so everyday you'll have one more chance to not be you, and not be blown the kiss of death, again.

Why fucking bother?
Recently CNN or the CIA or MTV contacted our IT department to ask, "Jeiu. ;ole upi lmpw ;ole. wju ficlomg bptjer,"hwy , ;ikwyou knoqlikw,"

Well, it's pretty obvious that yjr trsdpm yp givlomh npyjrt od yjsy rbrtuyjomh od s [orvr pg djoy smf upi ,ohjy sd er;; dysu stpimf yp ytu yp frdyptu yjr ept;f pt frdytpu yjr ji,sm tsvr/ yjod vsm nr gimf. ;olr yjtpeomh dmpen;sdd sy niddrd ejrtr upi ;sihj dp jstf. ryv///

Shifts in the Money Culture
[article deleted on account of it not having been written in the first place on account of it just being just sooooooo obvious....]

Researchers at the Sci-Fi Channel Institute of Technology...
Researchers at the Sci-Fi Channel Institute of Technology have apparently just discovered the first calculator in history that isn't just plain utterly fucking always wrong.

"All calculators as well as cash registers, adding machines, and computer spread sheet programs, were all accidentally based on utterly fucking wrong assumptions about simple arithmetic," a spokesman for the Institute stated, "and so everybody's been royally fucking ripped off for everything they've ever bought."

According to the spokesman, this unique calculator that isn't always utterly fucking wrong, will now be sent to every single town all over the world, to redo all transactions and correct all the raw deals everybody's been getting on, like, Nabisco Shredded Wheat and Milk of Magnesia etc. for all of human history.

Surveys Reveal, Like, "Results"
Two separate surveys show that cell phones could lead to people accidentally driving off high cliffs in packed convertibles with everybody wildly flapping their arms in either unison or disjointedness as they either float down to or slam into the sea or the beach below, while staying totally updated on international stock market volumes and illegal Burundi license plate futures, all the way down.

WHY FUCKING EVEN DISTINGUISH A CATEGORY
CEO of big company in whatever category this is says, you know like why fucking bother. Industry shocked or something.

SOME OTHER FUCKING CATEGORY BUT WHO FUCKING CARES
Why fucking bother says, blah blah or someone.

BLAH BLAH
Something something something something something something

SOMETHING SOMETHING
Blah blah blah blah blah blah

INTERNATIONAL
International House of Pancakes adds new pancake