Year End Review
The 21st Century
The 21st Century today stands at the cusp of becoming
just soooooooooooo yesterday. Therefore, blah blah blah
The 21st century is the first century to somehow get
away with skipping whole decades without anyone even
noticing. Researchers at MIT believe this may be caused
by its being the first century named after a real estate
The new millennium/century begins with the proverbial
bang as waves of earthquakes oscillate across the
planet, causing, however, only atmospheric damage that
goes unnoticed for many weeks, overshadowed by the rash
of other millennial cataclysms which are, however, in
the end, shown to be purely psycho-linguistic.
The world Starbucks-SUV riots come to a head at the
Battle of Wal-Mart -- the first 1-battle, nationwide
Civil War fought entirely in single individually branded
buildings scattered across an entire continent. The
rebels ultimately win the day and Starbucks is forced to
change its logo.
Broadband users reach 2 million mark. Piece on earth
reigns supreme, but theologians insist "Piece of what?"
still remains the fundamental question.
Broadband penetration approaches 2 and a half million.
E-commerce nostalgia sweeps teen culture. E-commerce
haircuts back "in" after only 2 years of being "out."
MIT researchers warn ever-shrinking nostalgia cycles
threaten the existence of fashion itself. Being too.
Mysteriously lost space probes and mysteriously dead pop
stars from last century all suddenly miraculously
re-appear in the same place at the same time, claiming
they were never really lost or dead and never stopped
writing new material or gathering raw data from the
surface of distant planets -- and now they'd like to go
on tour to share all their new songs and data with the
Seemingly endless tour of ostensibly dead and
disappeared pop stars and space probes finally begins to
wind down, but consensus reality has been totally lost
due to everybody trying to accommodate themselves to
these ancient assholes' songs and data.
Research done at MIT shows they have even drowned out
crap, which, research done at MIT two years previous had
shown is apparently needed to keep people sane.
The great migration. The telecommunications companies
have all fallen, but their satellites and lines remain
in place and functioning.
Because all calls to anywhere are free, people roam
aimlessly from city to city, country to country,
continent to continent, constantly on the phone to the
folks back home, waiting for their brains to somehow
suddenly "kick in" and meld back into some kind of
refurbished reality also, simultaneously, itself, just
now "kicking in."
The only things anyone needs are batteries, cigarettes,
water, and vitamin E. Food had been shown to be
superfluous in 2015, as had sleep and warmth in 2016.
And proof that sex and defecation were likewise
superfluous had ostensibly been destroyed in the Great
MIT Fire of 2017, but everybody knew the rumors.
The planet Mars just before the start of the 21st
The planet Mars just AFTER the start of the 21st
Local Planet Dodges Alien Probe, Again
Average Joe wins coveted eBay
hOspital Chief of Neurosurgery slot with $9K bid!!
Slimy Real Estate "Billionaire"
Donald Schmuck sets up world's cheapest piece of shit
website to beg for money