Seattle, London Greet Holiday Season With Joyous
Spontaneous joyous celebrations poured out from peoples'
hearts in major cities around the world last night, in
order to thank the cosmos, or evolution or DNA or
whoever, for creating a gracious world where it is now
possible to drive a neverending procession of SUVs
through a neverending succession of Starbucks plate glass
windows for the
remainder of History, without ever, like snowflakes or
fingerprints, driving the same SUV through the same
Starbucks plate glass window more than once.
Bodies of Former Bush Coke Buddies Found In Mexican Mass
The bodies of over 100 former coke-snortin' good ole
frat boy buddies of good-ole lightweight Texas Governor
George W. Bush were found in a mass grave in Mexico
yesterday, right across the border from Texas where
lightweight frat boy George W. Bush serves as governor.
Mexican "police" blamed the murders on, "you know, some
blah blah drug cartel thingie or other," stating
that it was obviously just a coincidence that all 100 of
the deceased were former fratboy coke-snortin' good ole
buddies of George W. Bush, and were murdered on the
way to "speak with" various investigative journalists.
People Tired of Seeing All Those Damn Races On TV
A recent survey of a statistically random sampling of
individuals nationwide reveals that 95% of all people
feel that there are far too many Blacks, Whites,
Hispanics, and Asians on TV and in the movies, and would
like to see these numbers drastically reduced.
According to the survey of over 1000 statistically
significant people, there is no racial or ethnic
category whatsoever that the people would like to see
all those damn Blacks, Whites, Hispanics, and Asians,
"We are just generally pretty sick of seeing any kind of
people at all on TV, and would much rather just see
anti-stories about objects and concepts," the Survey
claimed the people claimed.
Blair Witch Project, Human Genome Project To Merge
In an attempt to gain dominance in the lucrative
"project" market, last summer's popular "Blair Witch
Project" has purchased the somewhat less popular and
less complex, Human Genome Project, for $100 million
dollars in cutting room floor.
The new merged film/project/company/whatever, to be
known as the Blair Genome Project, will combine the
strengths of both operations and, by focussing just on
Blair's genome rather than the whole big fucking
human genome, should be done with that
project that much faster, so they can immediately move
on to the next projects like the Witch Genome Project,
the Blair Human Project, and the Witch Human Project, to
name just 3 of the many hundreds of thousands of new
projects that can now be realized through the merger of
these two powerhouse projects.
Police protest bad framing by AP photographer who not
only cropped out their damn protest sign, but also their
new mascot, Spanky the Monkey.
Average Joe wins eBay
hOspital Chief of Neurosurgery slot with $9K bid!!
Slimy Real Estate "Billionaire"
Donald Schmuck sets up world's cheapest piece of shit
website to beg for money