Apparently someone held a so-called "COMDEX" or something, in Las Vegas, or someplace. It apparently started Monday and ended either yesterday or today or will end tomorrow or Friday. Unless it goes past Friday.

According to the internet, or whatever, COMDEX is apparently some event or place where a buncha COMedians get together to test out new, higher dosage levels of DEXedrine (DEXtroamphetamine Sulfate), and the last person to burst out laughing, wins.

The winner is then flown, all expenses paid, either to the Smithsonian Institute where she will be the first and only person to ever view the clandestinely-shot hi-definition video tape of Clinton and Hillary on acid listening to the Tripp tapes on CSPAN for 22 hours straight without sleep, or to Hawaii where she will get shit-faced and pass out puking in the streets of Molokai at 2 AM, in the rain.

Apparently, according to Merrill Streep's Wall Streep Journal, in order to pass the time at COMDEX while everybody's waiting around for everybody else to finally burst out laughing uncontrollably and be eliminated, the COMedians entertain each other by deftly either sticking up or pulling out of their asses tiny digital devices conceived, designed, and built during moments of intense despair but intended to (unironically) bring happiness to the world. Or intented (unironically) to bring happiness to the world. Whichever.

The tiny digital devices, um, "unveiled" at this year's so-called COMDEX, include:

1) a hand-held touch-screen wireless device that can read email, make internet phone calls, surf the web, download and display whole books, music, and video, with special software that, when the proper key-sequence is hit, can vote to shutdown world civilization from Dec 29, 1999, till January 7, 2000, and then slowly reboot it.

2) a hand-held touch-screen wireless device that can read email, make internet phone calls, surf the web, download and display whole books, music, and video, with special software that can generate, on the fly, whole new species of organisms with whole new body parts which, with years of practise and training and pushed just beyond the extremes of their physical limits, can be employed by their organisms, to casually pry the tops off beer bottles and paint cans.

3) a hand-held touch-screen wireless device that can read email, make internet phone calls, surf the web, download and display whole books, music, and video, with special software that can generate whole new names for whole new models of Sports Utility Vehicles, based on names of popular web browsers like Navigator, Explorer, or, uhhh, you know, Cyberdog.

The theme of this year's COMDEX was how digital technology doesn't know what the fuck it's doing or where it's going or why, but who cares cause the dumbshit investors paying for it all know what the fuck they're doing even less -- and their smartass investment counsellors know what the fuck they're talking about, even less than that.