From: A-Dee-Do Data Salvage
To: The Washington Pissed

Despite your submersion of this system for several hours in boiling water, we were able to remove and dismantle the hard drive and retrieve much of the data, which, translated into ASCII, appears to be as follows:

(Oct 31) - Sci-tech: According to an article in the... ########## ...the creation of endless new products based on daily new fundamental understandings of Nature himself, has accelerated to the point where... ########## ...the purpose of the project was to expose the 7 (plus or minus 2) internal inconsistencies of History, in quick, simple, easy-to-grasp pictures and phrases, so everyone could understand how the past had never really happened, and therefore, what a waste it was to bother with the present, since it'd just be lied about in the future anyway and, then, as usual, exclusively for the benefit of empty people who transmit the gene for soulless corporate shitbag.... Crime News: ######## ...sentenced to 7 consecutive life-terms in solitary confinement, but then released after serving only a minute of the sentence, when they saw how much he liked it.... Sports: ########## ...free box seats at the Decathlon of Fucking-Up, at the Cynic Center Auditorium located in downtown Find-the-Salami University... ########## ...order to conserve space in the world, its dome had been cooled to cryonic temperatures and stuffed with the sperm and eggs of near-extinct species -- for future use in generating new, in vitro organisms on-demand -- or for breakfast. Whichever came first... ######## ...team from Motobishi was up, and they were trying hard to convince the umpires that life was just a waste of drugs, so why bother? -- But the umpires weren't buying. -- Cause the umpires already knew that life is just the sentence many criminals get for fucking up really bad in a certain other distant dimension or cosmos. So why bother?

Sincerely,

Jack Stefan
A-Dee-Do Salvage
Muff, Dumpster, and Data Diving for Dollars