Wash, DC - (Sept 3) -- In the wake of Fran Drescher's appearance on the Larry King show last night, the US House of Representatives, by a margin of 3 to 1, early this morning, passed emergency legislation which would make it legal for any US citizen to kill any celebrity on sight, any where, any time.

The bill, which would also make it legal to kill the sickening screaming fans of celebrities, the paparazzi who live in celebrity nostrils, and the editors of the magazines who've made them celebrities in the fucking first place, will also make it legal to kill the sickening screaming fans of celebrities, the paparazzi who live in celebrity nostrils, and the editors of the magazines who've made them celebrities in the fucking first place.

According to Representative Hollis Mosher III of New York, "The one exception to the 'anytime anywhere' provision of the legislation is that celebrities can still NOT legally be killed Sunday morning, while sitting angelically in the front row of the church of their choice with the angelic family of their choice, praying fervently to the satanic cult leader of their choice."

The bill now goes to the Senate where quick passage is expected following slight modification.

"I think we will want to stipulate," said Senator Garth Register Jr. of Illinois, "That paparazzi can ONLY be legally killed while in the act of focussing or shooting a celeb photo, and sickening screaming fans can ONLY be killed while in the act of screaming sickeningly or drooling."

Apparently there will be some contention on the Senate floor over whether paparazzi may also be legally killed while attending to such parameters as shutter speed or f-stop.

The bill defines celebrity as being "one of those, you know, situations where, you know, you know it when you see it. If you know what I mean."

A companion bill which would mirror the effects of the so-called "Make My Celebrity Day" Act is now moving rapidly through committee, and if passed into law, would make it legal for celebrities to, in turn, kill their sickening screaming fans. The bill stipulates, however, that celebrities may kill ONLY their own personal fans, and NOT the fans of other rival celebrities.

Fans of death, who've come to watch the brutal shootouts between celebrities and their own personal fans, may also not legally be killed, according to the bill.

In a related story, in the wake of Fran Drescher's appearance on Larry King last night, the Royal Family has decided against her delivering Princess Di's eulogy and will, instead, give the honor to singer, actress, and self-styled "multi-media bondage goddess," Judy Tenuta.

A spokesman for the Royal Family stated, "This decision was in no way based on Ms Drescher's appearance on Larry King last night, but, rather, on the simple economic reality that, because Ms Tenuta will be providing her own accordion accompaniment, we'd be getting much more bang for the funereal buck.