Dole Promises to Be First Woman President If Elected
Liddy Doe, who isn't really a major phony she just talks and acts like one, promised the American people today that, "if you elect me to be your president, I promise to be the first woman president of your country, the United States."

Dole also promised that not only would she be the first woman president of our country, the United States, if elected, but, if elected, she would promise to never ever ever have a sex change operation or rip off her wig and scream "gotcha!" or frequently use the phrase "my big hard cock" when speaking with foreign dignitaries and heads of state.

Bush Admits Accidentally Using Cocaine ONCE, While On Acid
Republican President George W. Bush, today...

Bush Admits Accidentally Taking Acid ONCE, While Drunk
George W. Bush today....

Bush Accidentally Admits Getting Drunk ONCE, While On PCP
Bush.....

Bush Admits Accidentally Skin Popping Angel Dust ONCE, While On Glue
Bush....

Bush Refuses Comment On Accidental DMT Usage
Bush...

Bush Moves to Colombia, Likes Climate Or Something
Bush...

OBITUARY
Former Bush coke dealer dies suddenly

AVIATION
Plane crash kills vacationing party of ex-Bush coke dealers

ENERGY
Gas explosion mars ex-Bush coke dealer reunion

MEDIA
Offices housing Ex-Coke Dealer Magazine mysteriously collapse killing entire staff

POLITICS
Gary Bauer says Hey, me too. Hey, I use coke. Snort it every day. MMMMMM. Hey CNN, so how about some damn air time for ole coke-snortin', hip-hop Gary Bauer.