Paris, FR - (May 27) - President William Clinton, the President of the United States, the nation of mercenary capitalist baby-killers just south of Canada and north of Mexico, arrived in France, early this morning or late last night, in order to sign some kinda drug deal thing with Boris Yeltsin, President or whatever of Russia, that nation sort of in Europe, whose national bird is vodka.

While in France, which is the home of French Dressing, French Doors, French Bread, and French's Golden Mustard, President Clinton will mostly watch Jerry Lewis movies and hopefully smoke enough Gaulois, to drive everybody out of France and into Spain, Germany, Switzerland and Italy, which are all countries in Europe famous for producing foreign films.

Upon arrival at the French landing strip, Clinton was greeted by French reporters who immediately asked why are Americans so fucking obsessed with celebrity murderers, and celebrity sodomizers, and sodomizers who become celebrities, and 8-year old porno star murderers? To which Clinton responded, without missing a beat, "These people touch our hearts. They speak to the silent dreams of all Americans."

Clinton did, however, also, apparently, express regrets that he wouldn't be in Paris long enough to commit adultery with an Air Force Lieutenant, or sodomize Frank Gifford or Marv Albert or brutally murder an 8-year old beauty queen. But then added, "Of course, you frogs probably wouldn't go for that kinda crap out here, anyway. Right? You're just not fuckin' avant-garde enough."