USA, USA - (Feb 10) - So-called "USA" Networks today blah blah blah blah Lycos blah blah blah blah blah blah blah Barry Diller blah blah blah blah blah!!

"USA Lycos Interactive Network blah blah blah blah blah blah," said an analyst, "blah blah blah piece of shit search engine blah blah blah blah lame me-too puffball (cough) portal blah blah blah blah blah blah blah creepy Home Shopping Network blah blah blah blah fascist monopolistic Ticketmaster blah blah blah."

Diller blah blah (apparently no relation to Phyllis Diller) blah blah blah blah blah blah blah for $18 billion dollars in funny money blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.

"Blah blah blah blah blah 61.5 percent," the analyst stated, "blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah buncha soulless corporate shitbags blah blah blah blah $45 billion over specified periods."

USA Networks blah blah blah blah "lame 'original' soft-core porn" blah blah blah blah blah blah blah WWF Wrestling blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah apparently named after "the USA" or somebody.

"Promotional opportunities or blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah up the wazoo," said Diller. "Blah blah blah blah blah 90 percent of all comatose U.S. TV-viewing households blah blah blah blah blah blah blah leverage the fuck out of our so-called 'properties' blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah leverage the fuck out of our so-called 'audience' blah blah blah blah blah blah blah."

USA/Lycos advertisers and commerce allies blah blah blah money money money money blah blah blah blah but, oops, Lycos just lost 50% of its market valuation blah blah blah blah.

An analyst with blah blah blah claimed, "Home Shopping Network and QVC, blah blah blah blah blah blah cheap worthless overpriced blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah vast electronic retailing and merchandising expertise employed to rob blind a buncha dumbass gullible loser compulsive shoppers."

"We needed to have an aggregation of eyeballs, and if we had the aggregation, we could lay down the path to e-commerce," said Diller who, as always, doesn't know what the fuck he's talking about.

News of the acquisition apparently sent millions of additional web-surfers to search engines Yahoo! and Alta-Vista to try to find out more about what this "Lycos" thing was.