WARNING!!! CROSS-SITE SCRIPTING EXPLOITS MAJOR INTERNET SECURITY HOLE!!! ALL SITES VULNERABLE!!! ALL BROWSERS VULNERABLE!!! ALL PLATFORMS VULNERABLE!!!
Internetlandville - (Feb 4) - WARNING: The most powerful bug ever invented and could blow your head clean off has just been invented and could blow your head clean off.
Not only that, but this is the first bug that isn't ENTIRELY the fault of the fuckin' slimy creepasses at Microsoft as the fuckin' slimy creepasses at Microsoft will be the first to tell you in the following communique just released by the motherfucking slimy creepasses at Microsoft.
"Microsoft has identified a serious security vulnerability that could potentially affect many web sites and web site users. The vulnerability is not due to a defect in any product, most especially in any of the lameass, buggy-ass worthless piece of shit software products from Microsoft, but instead results from certain web coding practices by you buncha lazyass web developers out there. Microsoft, CERT, and other industry leaders are rushing to cover their sorry asses and pretending to be working to provide customers with information on this issue and what they can do, while in reality they're just selling off their proprietary info on you, fast as they can, and gassing up their lear jets for the one way trip to Tonga or Pago Pago, or wherever."
-- Pierre Teilhard de Chardin, CEO, Microsoft
Fortunately, even though, unfortunately, according to Microsoft, there's nothing anyone can do, fortunately, according to Microsoft, here's what YOU can do.
What users can do to protect themselves:
1. Use ONLY Windows 2000
2. Use ONLY Microsoft Internet Explorer
3. Use ONLY Microsoft Windows Media Player
4. Use ONLY Microsoft Office 2000
5. Brush ONLY with Colgate Toothpaste
6. Drink ONLY Coca-Cola
7. Do NOT mix Coca-Cola and Colgate toothpaste and think you've invented Coca-Colgate
8. Use ONLY AT&T long-distance
9. Avoid clicking ANY links on ANY site EXCEPT the ones at www.microsoft.com.
10. Avoid allowing email to be downloaded to your email client.
11. Avoid clicking the send button after you've composed an email.
12. Avoid responding to email, especially if it's from a close friend, as those are the easiest to spoof.
13. Avoid visiting ANY sites except for the only 3 that you TOTALLY TRUST: www.microsoft.com, www.realaudio.com, and www.double-click.com.
Please note that failure to whole-heartedly embrace any ONE of these protections could most likely lead to the constant re-formatting of your hard drive on an hourly basis beyond your control, and by blood replacing all your other bodily fluids and foods.
WARNING!!! THIS NEW SECURITY THREAT COULD RESULT IN YOUR PERSONAL INFORMATION INCLUDING INFORMATION ABOUT YOUR MOST RECENT FAILED EJACULATIONS ET AL AND SICKO BROWSING HABITS BEING SENT TO SOMEONE OTHER THAN BILL GATES, STEVE BALLMER, JEFF BEZOS, STEVE CASE, DOUBLE-CLICK, OR THAT FUCKING PEEPING-TOM VOYEUR SHITHOLE AT REAL-AUDIO, WHAT'S HIS NAME.
WARNING!! THIS BUG COULD GIVE SOME, SOME, SOME, YOU KNOW, SOME RANDOM TOTALLY RANDOM "HACKER" SOME AWFUL "HACKER," APPROXIMATELY ONE BILLIONTH OF THE INFORMATION ABOUT YOU THAT THE MOTHERFUCKING LOW-LIFE COCKSUCKING WORTHLESS PIECES OF UTTER FUCKING CAPITALIST SCUMHOLE SHIT AT DOUBLE-CLICK HAVE ABOUT YOU.
SO PLEASE SLEEP WITH A COCKED AND LOADED .357 CLUTCHED TIGHTLY IN YOUR HAND, UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE FROM DISNEY-FOX.
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Copyright (c) 2000 by HC