Q&A on Schmuck's Economic Plan for
Q: Mr. Schmuck, can you outline your plan?
A: Not only am I the world's greatest deal-maker and have the best sex
with the best supermodels, but I also know how to delegate authority -- so,
if there's ever anything wrong with the economy, my plan will be to delegate
taking care of
it to my close personal friends, Whoopi Goldberg, Gwyneth Paltrow, and Evander
Q: Isn't your proposal unfair to the rich and confiscatory?
A: My very close personal friends Bill Gates, Jack Nicholson and
Joe Montana don't think so.
Q: Don't you think that capital will flee the country due to your tax
A: Who cares? I don't care. My very close personal friends Steven
Spielberg, Michael Jordan, and Ricky Martin don't care.
Q: Some critics have said that your plan can cause a stock market crash as
the wealthy dump stock in order to pay their taxes?
A: Ehhh, blow it out your ass.
Q: Aren't you afraid your proposal will cause economic dislocation and
A: The only thing I'm afraid of is that somewhere someone may be having
better sex than me with a better supermodel. I'm very afraid of that, and
that's why I have to keep getting better and better supermodels and having
increasingly better sex with each one.
Q: How will rich people come up with a 14.25 % payment to the
A: The old fashioned way: steal it from the poor.
Q: Many economists say your figures are wrong and the total national economy
is worth less than you think it is, based on Federal Reserve estimates?
A: But who's counting?
The point is, have you seen my latest supermodel, and don't you wanna hear
about how I'm building the biggest firmest skyscraper in the history of the
The economists I've consulted estimate wealth in this country at $50 trillion
-- $40 trillion of that -- 90% -- is controlled by 1% of the people. If we
kill those 1% of the people, that will free up enough money for me to build
bigger firmer skyscrapers with and become even cooler and have even better sex
with increasingly better super models.
Q: How would you pay for the repeal of the inheritance tax?
A: Shut up.
Q: Don't you think you are being unfair to rich people?
A: Mind your own business.
Q: I have seen many economists on television saying your plan is crazy and
A: They're all just jealous of my money and great babes and of how cool
I am and how firm my skyscrapers are.
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