"Those poor pathetic miserable buncha impoverished lowlife slobs and losers out there," a spokesman for the noblesse writes in this month's issue of Oblige: the Journal of Those Buncha Rich Powerful Beautiful Wonderful Loving Caring Noblesse Out There, "simply no longer DESERVE all our (the rich powerful beautiful talented successful caring giving noblesse's) heartfelt attempts to assuage our guilt over being wealthy happy beautiful powerful moral honorable, talented, spiritual successful and fulfilled people who just happen to have inherited all this from parents and ancestors who just happen to have had to endlessly fuck over, rip off, cheat, and generally screw their (those poor pathetic miserable ignorant ugly impoverished vile lower class lowlife losers and slobs') parents and ancestors repeatedly up the ass throughout all history, in order to gain and maintain our (the wealthy happy beautiful brilliant powerful well-dressed well-coiffed sweet-smelling noblesse's) vast wealth, happiness, beauty, brilliance, power, big closets, personal hairdressers and family perfumeries."

Those buncha poor pathetic miserable impoverished low-life wretched ill-clothed vile-smelling glue-sniffing losers and slobs out there have responded in a guest editorial in the current issue of Loser: the Journal of Those Poor Pathetic Miserable Buncha Lowlife Losers and Slobs Out There, saying, like, how "all those buncha rich powerful beautiful well-dressed, well-coiffed sweet-smelling top-quality-coke-snorting well-spoken well-mannered noblesse out there can take their lame, self-righteous, precious little snotty-assed oblige and stick it up their (those buncha filthy-rich, wonderful beautiful powerful, self-obsessed, nepotistic, conspicuous-consumptive jejune noblesse's) excessively over-corn-holed collective anus."

Since then, noblesse across the political, uro-, procto-, and gyneco-logical spectra have come forward to express like, how cool it will be to no longer be forced to waste their precious beautiful wonderful self-fulfilling time being paid huge sums by popular (i.e. pennies squeezed out of poor slobs and losers) charities to organize vast schmooze fests where they (the wonderful saintly rich powerful beautiful happy humanitarian caring giving loving noblesse) come to schmooze the crap out of each other, with the stated goal of any crumbs accidentally dropped to the floor being immediately swept up and sent on to those poor pathetic miserable wretched ignorant vile-smelling brutish homicidal lowlife losers and slobs out there, by way of balancing the books and in the hopes of shutting up their (those poor pathetic buncha ugly stupid miserable worthless losers and slobs') incessant whining -- which of course will now no longer be necessary or in any way justifiable.

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